Embracing Aara's Unique Self-Regulation Mechanisms
Stimming refers to self-stimulatory behaviours like flapping, rocking, spinning, or vocal sounds that children with special needs use to self-soothe. Our daughter Aara hums and rocks when anxious or even when she is excited.
Acceptance Over Concealment
Initially we used to feel embarrassed about her stimming in public and tried to hide it. But we've come to accept it as a harmless self-regulation mechanism. The pressure to conceal stimming caused more stress. Focusing on stopping it took priority over working on skills like communication.
Now we embrace stimming as part of Aara. If the behaviours aren't harmful, they shouldn't be shamed. Everyone stims in small ways - leg shaking, knuckle cracking. For Aara, the repetitive motions provide comfort in uncertain environments.
While some experts recommend replacement behaviours, for us that's low priority. As long as Aara's stims aren't interfering with learning, we let them be. Some children with special needs rely on stimming their whole lives to self-regulate. Our priority is helping Aara develop skills, not controlling harmless stims.
Normalizing Stimming
Accepting Aara's differences has allowed us to better support her unique needs. We're teaching her tools to self-advocate when people stare. Focusing less on "fixing" Aara and more on empowering her has been the right approach for our family.
From a very young age, Aara exhibited stereotypical behaviours like rocking and humming. As first-time parents, my husband and I weren’t sure if this was normal toddler behaviour or not. But the stimming increased as Aara grew older rather than fading away.
By the time Aara was four, the rocking and vocal stims were quite frequent, especially in new environments liked stores or playgrounds. Other parents would stare and we started to feel self-conscious. We worried the stimming singled her out as different and made her more vulnerable.
On the advice of therapists, we tried techniques to reduce Aara’s stimming like redirecting her with toys or using a special weighted vest. But this seemed to escalate her anxiety more than calm her. For a while, we avoided taking her out in public to avoid embarrassing looks which further isolated Aara.
After Aara was diagnosed formally with Rubenstein Taybi Syndrome, we learned more about stimming as a self-regulation tool. Repetitive behaviours provide sensory input that can be calming. For many neurodiverse kids, it’s an instinctive coping mechanism for uncertainty.
Prioritising Acceptance
We realized trying to suppress Aara’s stims was sending the message that her natural ways of self-soothing were wrong. She was picking up on our tension and shame. We shifted our mindset to fully embrace stimming as part of her.
Of course there are situations where stimming needs to be minimized if it interferes significantly with learning. But in general, if it’s not harming Aara, we let it happen without judgement. Removing the pressure on her and us has been freeing.
We focus conversations about stimming on helping Aara articulate her needs and feelings. If she’s rocking during dinner, we gently ask if she’s feeling anxious and needs a break. Over time, she’s gotten better at self-reporting her emotions and taking self-regulation breaks when getting overwhelmed.
Shifting Mindsets
Our priority is nurturing Aara’s abilities to communicate and self-advocate. She’s learning to say things like “I need some space” or “Too loud.” We never want stimming to be shameful for her. There are kind ways to handle social reactions without Aara feeling flawed.
Children with special needs already face enormous challenges fitting in. Judgmental attitudes about stims only inflict more trauma. We hope that by modelling acceptance of differences, we’re protecting Aara’s self-esteem.
Advocating for Inclusion
All children have unique ways of processing their worlds. While Aara’s needs are exceptional, she deserves the same patience and respect as others. We’ve come to appreciate stimming as part of the beautifully complex girl that she is.
